University of Washington
Our families and communities often define us and our individual worlds. Community might refer to your cultural group, extended family, religious group, neighborhood or school, sports team or club, co-workers, etc. Describe the world you come from and how you, as a product of it, might add to the diversity of the University of Washington.
“Ay naku ano ba yan aalis ka na? Dito ka na lang mag college para dito ka pa rin pwedeng magtira satin!” -Mom. This saying translates into, “Oh my gosh what is this you’re leaving already? Just stay here for college so you can still live here with us!” My mom has always been a little touchy with this subject, since I’m guessing that she doesn’t want me to grow up too fast. But I’ve told her many times that I need to leave so I can learn how to be mature and make adult-like decisions. Ever since she was a kid she’s always stayed with her mom, and never moved out up until my mom met my dad and had me. My mom and I stayed in the Philippines until I was 4 and decided to go to Hawaii to be with my dad. I followed my mom’s footsteps, staying by her side and not really thinking of moving out when I got older. But now that I’ve actually grown and thought about my future, I second guessed myself. “Should I leave or stay?” was a question that would cross my mind a few times whenever I talk about college. I would push this question away most of the time and would forget about it at the end.
One thing that i’ve learned by living with this family was to stick by their side, and never leave. We’ve always been pretty religious, and as Catholics, we would go to mass every Sunday. I’ve had my Baptism, First Communion, and now going on to be confirmed next year. I can’t really remember a time where we haven’t gone to church, which explains just how religious we are. We’ve went to special masses for Easter, Thanksgiving, and other holiday masses that they do. It just keeps our family together in a way. Whenever I get into a huge argument, or just kinda get out of control, I would sometimes pray that it wouldn’t happen again. I’ve had countless arguments that just lead to nowhere, just like any other teenager would have with their parents. But it’s always resolved in an hour or so. We just can’t really stay too angry, and that’s one of the things that I like about our family.
I wasn’t too fond of sports growing up, but I did it from time to time and experimented with what I would like. I’ve tried volleyball, track & field, and basketball. I liked them for a little while, but I would never really liked it to the point where I would do it every year. I just thought it’d be fun to try, but I wouldn’t be too dedicated with it. I guess I’m just more interested in singing and playing a few instruments. I have a picture of myself playing with a toy guitar when I was very little and have started singing ever since I was 3, and from then on out I’ve just been trying to improve on my own. I’ve joined talent shows and contests at some points, and would always try to find ways to get better at what I do. When I was around 8, my dad let me play with a guitar and tried learning to play songs. I would be on and off with it, playing with it after a few months. I noticed that I would actually use it during the summer, since I get bored. But I was then given a ukulele when I was around 11 and have played with that more than the guitar. I just thought that it was easier to grip since it was smaller for me. To this day I still try to explore my options, sometimes touching a piano keyboard and letting myself learn a few notes. But I mostly sing songs and try to improve my voice every day. I feel that UW can be a really good opportunity for me to show my talent and a good way for me to be more mature with my decisions. My personality is weird and quirky when you get to know me, and I’m a really nice friend to others. I feel that being a part of this college would be a really great change.
In the beginning portion of your essay you do a good job of telling a story of you and you mother. The purpose of this essay is to show the person you are that transcripts and other things cannot. You need to show more of what kind of person you are and illustrate your personality, preferences and other qualities. Additionally, you need to stick more to your prompt. You kind of drift off the topic when you start to just talk about sports and what you thought about as you were growing up. Remember that your prompt is talking about the community around you and how they affect you today and how they affected you in the past to influence the person you are today. Other than that I think that your essay has sufficient information to get your message through to your audience.
ReplyDeleteThe way you portray yourself and others in a respectable way gives an idea to who you are in an understandable way the audience can follow. In the second paragraph, it's "We've gone to" and the following sentence starts with "It's." The essay transitions smoothly without leaving most questions unanswered and describes the diversity of the world around you very well. You did state second guessing about maturing and leaving Hawaii, which should be talked about more since the case of going to this university would result in leaving your home.
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